I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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