we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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