I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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