hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
