I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
