I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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