He had one of those small greek statue penises
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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