Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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