I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
