We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize