He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
