I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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