I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
