hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
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We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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