Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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