you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
