I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
