well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
