can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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