Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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