i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
