Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
