I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
