i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
