Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Pooping to opera.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
