Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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