I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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