Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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