she was so not down for the gang bang
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
