Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
