The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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