Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
