We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
