The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
