I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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