Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
