So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
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You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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