you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
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Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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