White coat. Heels.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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