Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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