I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
