Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
