I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
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