and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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