I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
