come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
