doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm passing your future prison.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
