It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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