Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
