my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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