They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
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Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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