Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
