I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
