VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
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Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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