did you get engaged???
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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