I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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