You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
