I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
