We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
