in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
