If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there was a trapeze. enough said
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
