She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You have to summon your inner elephant
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
