i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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