I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
