Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
