I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
