I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
