There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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