could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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