1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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