sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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