i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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