2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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