First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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