there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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