I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
