why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
