Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
